Get off your high horse

You dated that guy? I am disappointed. Anyway it is your life goodnight. Read his watsap message. I must admit I was a little taken a back for various reasons which I will not get to but I recollected myself immediately and watsaped back- well not that you do not have any skeletons in your closet in terms of your past relationships. He instantly responded - not that type.

Just to bring you up to speed, I was not dating anyone’s husband, a convicted criminal or suspected terrorist. I was dating someone as normal as the fellow I was chatting with on watsap who had just given such a menacing judgment for no apparent reason. Mind you he did not care to explain his convictions further. I eventually sent a final message that ended our chat; get off your high horse.

Who lied to people that they are better than others just because they are well educated, or the president is from their tribe, or because they speak with a foreign accent? Recently, the governor of Migori County was in for a rude shock when he took the president to pay a visit to his county only to be met by rowdy youth who heckled the governor throwing shoes at the podium where the head of state and other dignitaries had sat. If you are not privy to the comments that have ensued after that incident on both traditional and social media you have not witnessed hypocrisy in its deceitful state.

I take this moment to state that whatever happened was definitely shameful and wrong being that authority must be given its due respect. Furthermore, the governor had invited the president to donate mosquito nets to the particular county, but the incident was definitely not alarming.

Immediately every one suddenly felt they had the authority to give their two cents about how poorly the people of Migori had behaved, how much the people of Migori are enemies of development and why Nyanza region will remain under developed forever. While every Kenyan has a right to their opinion and even lucky enough to air it out in form of hate speech with the aid of their keyboards in the ‘safety’ of the cyber space, those Migori people are just like every other rich, poor, educated, illiterate, middle class, Christian or Muslim, tribal person in the country whether from the Coastal region or North Eastern part of the country.

Kenya, heavy as it is to state this is a deeply divided country. Whether the rowdy youth were heckling at the governor or the president is neither here nor there – in politics you cannot impose yourself to the people. During the General Election, the president secured his seat fairly with a significant majority votes from his stronghold areas Central and Rift Valley Regions he hardly received any votes in the Nyanza Region. With that fact in mind, the Governor of Migori would have organised for a better function and strategy of getting to the people of Nyanza region. As much as the mosquito net initiative was a genuine attempt, burying our heads in the sand to the divisive politics and hatred amongst tribal groups in Kenya is what caused that incident.

You are not any different if you are behind a computer cursing at the ‘foolishness’ of the Migori people - they are an ugly product of tribalism just like you are. It does not make you any different if you practice journalism and want to cover a story based on your bias in the name of not condoning hooliganism – you are an ugly product of tribalism just like the people of Migori. Whether you are circumcised or not, rich or poor, pro-government or anti-government we suffer in the same magnitude from the same disease the people of Migori suffer from – tribalism! I am also no different, and I will give you the advice that I’m also trying to practice – get off your high horse.

clueless on appropriate title

I always say if you are going to be my partner, be my fan as well. You need to make an effort to know me as well as you know the back of your hand, including the last three digits of my I.D number. Yes, I insist you have to be my fan. This has proved to be a vital attitude especially after watching a local T.V programme, The Couples Show.  The fundamental principle of the show being quite simple; how well you know your partner - whereby the winning couple receives a cash prize award.

You may take it for granted to get acquainted with some of the attributes your spouse’s family prides itself in or what your mum’s favourite colour is. You may not remember the name of your best friend’s mother or the name of the school their child goes to. Only to place the blame on everything other than your nonchalant (feels good to use this word. And it feels even better to state the same) attitude towards your relationships.

While I encourage a degree of mystery for that much needed spice in relationships, I tend to imagine having a partner who can pick the precise whisky bottle for my father during a weekend visit home is quite a catch. Or a boss who understands your preference to be introduced as Joe rather than Joseph quite bearable.

I’m a fan of those I interact with and do add significant value to my life. I’m a fan because I have learned the art of listening and not just hearing. I have learned to be inquisitive and observe the little things they do. So do not be surprised when I give you the children’s name of our office messenger. I take the time to genuinely interact with people because I am passionate about them.

Healthy relationships whether romantic or work related need to have the participants’ involvement in taking the time to learn about each other. While the learning process may require more than just your time, it is definitely a worthy experience as it aids you in building stronger meaningful bonds. I have taken it a step further and referred to it as being a fan because it requires you to be more than just a friend, wife, boyfriend, sister or colleague but also going the extra mile and being something a little more.

Get to know the people in your life a little deeper you could be surprised with what you realise;  you may have been sitting on a potential gold mine or a ticking time bomb that you will be glad to escape.

Eyes on the prize

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There is no feeling as hopeless as the realization that you have very little choice in controlling the chances you get in life. Do you determine your destiny or your destiny is usually already pre-determined? Or is it a bit of both?

During our freshman years in campus we all had our own dreams and aspirations that we set out to achieve out of life. Flash forward 10 years later, life does not really go down as planned, or does it? The ones who thought would get married are still in between dates and miserable, the outgoing ones who would naturally land a good deal are busy being jack of all trades. I can bet we each know someone who was good in accounts class but found themselves in marketing industry because that is where an opportunity opened. The universe may at times seem like it plays the cruellest jokes in our lives, and even when the tough gets going you somehow start ‘adapting to your fate’.

The control enthusiast in me, is learning and adapting, albeit slowly that most things in life will be determined by chance and there is very little I could do to control it and that is just the way of the universe. And I just have to trust, that all should work out not for good but for the best. For instance, while learning to swim an important lesson is that you have to trust the water to hold you up while floating. So if the universe is God’s, and everything in it his, myself included, I have to believe that the dreams I have and have envisioned he did not put there in vain, neither can he be so unfair to give me what he knows is not suitable for me.

However that realization does not equate to giving up on our dreams, once your eyes are on the prize there should be no holding back. In Swahili there is a saying haba na haba hujaza kibaba – little savings go a long way. In the end all the efforts you put will culminate to something substantial, a theory which we can apply in all spheres of our lives. After all who was it who said you cannot have it all? Aren’t we descendants of Abraham who through his faith was promised blessings in abundance to his household?

Do not settle for what comes your way out of desperation, or the feeling that you could be running out of time. I saw a certain poster that challenged me, if you were told your life will be exactly the same in the next 10 years would that make you happy? Then why are you so scared of change? The grass on the other side will always be greener, but at your own pace, chase your dreams regardless of the circumstances. When all is said and done something got to give in the direction you work towards. It is like the same universe that had been giving mixed signals in what you were requesting, finally starts decoding your message, and yielding opportunities which you thought maybe were just not meant to be.

Whether you determine your destiny, or your destiny is already pre-determined, or it’s a mixture of both, could be a debatable issue. But what am certain of, in the words of renowned World Hero Nelson Mandela, there is no passion to be found playing small, fight so hard till fate accepts defeat.

Bridal Line up Blues

When I received news that I had been selected to be part of a bridal party of a family friend whom I remember meeting once or twice my whole life and only managed to say a simple halo to, I felt trapped. Me? Whose wedding again? How? Why .Why?

It may seem that being part of a bridal party is not such a big deal. But if you have to cough ksh.4000 for a dress you will never get to wear again, and am being lenient not giving details on how unflattering the dress looks on me. Time and more money spent shopping for shoes, plus sweet talking friends to hand in your class project. Then it quite is a big deal.

Choosing bride maids is a way to honor the people most important to you and to share your special day with them. Many people have trouble narrowing down the field. The bridal party am part of consists of 6 small kids who were having such a difficult time coordinating in matching simultaneously during rehearsals.8 diverse bride maids with a woman more or less on her early 40s or mid 30’s and a sweet sixteen on the line up. And 6 groom’s men.

There is no rule of thumb for choosing your bridal party, in fact it could be reasoned the more the merrier. But I believe the bride to be needs a party she can rely on for organizational and emotional support. Ideally, bride maids perform duties before, during and at times after the wedding the more reason as to why it is important to selectively choose your party.

As much as it is part of African culture to have that spirit of togetherness, and be able to be part and parcel of each other‘s celebrations, times have changed. With constraints such as money, work related issues and class related activities, it would surely not make anyone less African for secretly wishing that they do not entertain the idea of being randomly selected to be a bride's maid.

For fear that I may be forced to eat my words at one point,all ranting aside, I feel honored to be part of the party and wish the couple (whom I know little about) all the joy and happiness in the universe (complete with unicorns and daisies, the whole fairy story)

…My Epiphany

There is a THIN line between being in love and being foolish.

Thin LINE between being in love and being blind.

The Bible tells me Jesus died for me because he loves me. Was rabbi foolish to die for someone like me? Is God BLIND because he looked at me and saw someone WORTHY to send his son to die for?

Does the all knowing, almighty, omnipresent God, at times foolish or blind or is it that he just LOVE’S me?

…

I still hold on, I still want you, I still believe in you… do not confuse me for being BLIND or FOOLISH.

Am neither… Maybe I am just in LOVE. Because those 2 THIN lines I have been CROSSING often.