Get off your high horse

You dated that guy? I am disappointed. Anyway it is your life goodnight. Read his watsap message. I must admit I was a little taken a back for various reasons which I will not get to but I recollected myself immediately and watsaped back- well not that you do not have any skeletons in your closet in terms of your past relationships. He instantly responded - not that type.

Just to bring you up to speed, I was not dating anyone’s husband, a convicted criminal or suspected terrorist. I was dating someone as normal as the fellow I was chatting with on watsap who had just given such a menacing judgment for no apparent reason. Mind you he did not care to explain his convictions further. I eventually sent a final message that ended our chat; get off your high horse.

Who lied to people that they are better than others just because they are well educated, or the president is from their tribe, or because they speak with a foreign accent? Recently, the governor of Migori County was in for a rude shock when he took the president to pay a visit to his county only to be met by rowdy youth who heckled the governor throwing shoes at the podium where the head of state and other dignitaries had sat. If you are not privy to the comments that have ensued after that incident on both traditional and social media you have not witnessed hypocrisy in its deceitful state.

I take this moment to state that whatever happened was definitely shameful and wrong being that authority must be given its due respect. Furthermore, the governor had invited the president to donate mosquito nets to the particular county, but the incident was definitely not alarming.

Immediately every one suddenly felt they had the authority to give their two cents about how poorly the people of Migori had behaved, how much the people of Migori are enemies of development and why Nyanza region will remain under developed forever. While every Kenyan has a right to their opinion and even lucky enough to air it out in form of hate speech with the aid of their keyboards in the ‘safety’ of the cyber space, those Migori people are just like every other rich, poor, educated, illiterate, middle class, Christian or Muslim, tribal person in the country whether from the Coastal region or North Eastern part of the country.

Kenya, heavy as it is to state this is a deeply divided country. Whether the rowdy youth were heckling at the governor or the president is neither here nor there – in politics you cannot impose yourself to the people. During the General Election, the president secured his seat fairly with a significant majority votes from his stronghold areas Central and Rift Valley Regions he hardly received any votes in the Nyanza Region. With that fact in mind, the Governor of Migori would have organised for a better function and strategy of getting to the people of Nyanza region. As much as the mosquito net initiative was a genuine attempt, burying our heads in the sand to the divisive politics and hatred amongst tribal groups in Kenya is what caused that incident.

You are not any different if you are behind a computer cursing at the ‘foolishness’ of the Migori people - they are an ugly product of tribalism just like you are. It does not make you any different if you practice journalism and want to cover a story based on your bias in the name of not condoning hooliganism – you are an ugly product of tribalism just like the people of Migori. Whether you are circumcised or not, rich or poor, pro-government or anti-government we suffer in the same magnitude from the same disease the people of Migori suffer from – tribalism! I am also no different, and I will give you the advice that I’m also trying to practice – get off your high horse.

clueless on appropriate title

I always say if you are going to be my partner, be my fan as well. You need to make an effort to know me as well as you know the back of your hand, including the last three digits of my I.D number. Yes, I insist you have to be my fan. This has proved to be a vital attitude especially after watching a local T.V programme, The Couples Show.  The fundamental principle of the show being quite simple; how well you know your partner - whereby the winning couple receives a cash prize award.

You may take it for granted to get acquainted with some of the attributes your spouse’s family prides itself in or what your mum’s favourite colour is. You may not remember the name of your best friend’s mother or the name of the school their child goes to. Only to place the blame on everything other than your nonchalant (feels good to use this word. And it feels even better to state the same) attitude towards your relationships.

While I encourage a degree of mystery for that much needed spice in relationships, I tend to imagine having a partner who can pick the precise whisky bottle for my father during a weekend visit home is quite a catch. Or a boss who understands your preference to be introduced as Joe rather than Joseph quite bearable.

I’m a fan of those I interact with and do add significant value to my life. I’m a fan because I have learned the art of listening and not just hearing. I have learned to be inquisitive and observe the little things they do. So do not be surprised when I give you the children’s name of our office messenger. I take the time to genuinely interact with people because I am passionate about them.

Healthy relationships whether romantic or work related need to have the participants’ involvement in taking the time to learn about each other. While the learning process may require more than just your time, it is definitely a worthy experience as it aids you in building stronger meaningful bonds. I have taken it a step further and referred to it as being a fan because it requires you to be more than just a friend, wife, boyfriend, sister or colleague but also going the extra mile and being something a little more.

Get to know the people in your life a little deeper you could be surprised with what you realise;  you may have been sitting on a potential gold mine or a ticking time bomb that you will be glad to escape.